Separation Anxiety

Yeah, it's getting to be about that time.

I'm flying back to America in fifty-five days. That's one day less than eight weeks, or about two months. Regardless of your choice of unit, it's not a lot of time.

I'm having a difficult time describing how this makes me feel, other than simply "emotional." Lately I've caught myself trying not to get too comfortable in a certain situation, or telling myself not to buy something because I'll just have to drag it across the Atlantic in a few weeks, or even tearing up a little bit when I'm having a great time in a big group of friends...knowing that I'll probably never see many of them again.

Of course, at the beginning of this experience, back when I was trying to figure out just how to survive day-to-day life here, I never really considered how potentially heart-wrenching the end might be. Human nature, right?

I know that this is just how temporary living situations like my Fulbright year are, and I had some feelings of anxiety about leaving Australia in 2007 after spending a semester there. But Australia is not Germany, five months is not eleven, and I am not the same person that I was then. I remebmer feeling a sense of relief about going back to the States after that study abroad experience, but this time I don't feel the same need to have familiar surroundings...this time, Germany is my "familiar surroundings."

This is going to be hard.

I'm trying to adopt a somewhat Buddhist attitude about the whole thing - that is, "the glass is already broken" - but am finding it to be rather difficult. Plus, it's tricky to really "live in the moment," while I'm constantly busy with things like exchanging e-mails with UW professors on a regular basis, securing my Madison apartment for next year, and writing up my somewhat extensive final report for Fulbright (which is basically forcing me to re-hash lots of details from the previous year).
...

This week, one of my colleagues told me, "You know what? I think that you're the kind of person who could get along and do well anywhere."

It was funny to hear Anne say that, especially when I'm already dragging my heels so much, and have so much angst about the upcoming transition (and I'm not so sure I agree with her, auf jeden Fall). I know that it'll be okay, and I am really excited about starting grad school in Wisconsin, but the relatively calm period that my life has enjoyed for quite some time now is coming to an end...and I'm not really ready for it to.

...

I have lots of pictures and anecdotes that I intend to post from my most recent gallivants (including Trier, Heidelberg, Amsterdam, more Rheinland), but I also have some exciting things planned for the next few weeks:

• A week-long trip to Italy, with Erin and my Italian friend and co-worker, Glauco. We're planning to stay at his house in Milan for several days, and then Erin and I will take the next week off from work. We haven't completely decided where we'll stay yet, but it will probably be Venice.
• The 25th anniversary celebration of the MPI-P. This seems like it's going to be a pretty big deal. There are going to be quite a few big names around Mainz for a week or so, including a couple of Nobel laureates, and there will be an institute-wide celebration. Considering the immense success of the Christmas party, I have pretty high expectations for this one (especially considering that it takes place on June 13th, meaning that I'll be celebrating my 23rd birthday at the stroke of midnight on the campus of the MPI...rather fitting for this year, I think).
• And then, at the end of June I get to hang out with some more Nobel laureates! Fulbright is sponsoring mine and Shane's attendance of the annual Lindau Meeting of Nobel Laureates (this year, all of the laureates are chemists) which is a week-long conference on the Bodensee (Lake Constance) in the Bavarian Alps, close to the Austrian/Swiss borders.
• Who knows? I have a free week and a half at the beginning of July after the Lindau conference that I have yet to "book." I'm thinking that a trip to Prague or Vienna (or hopefully both) may be in the works...
  

I know I'm not very good at blogging, and I really am sorry about the complete irregularity of my posts...I hope to spend some more time this weekend to organize some pictures and stories of my latest adventures. I still have a lot to look forward to, and I think that being able to savor the last of my moments here is crucial, despite the temptation to feel prematurely angsty about the transition...

Fifty-four days...